It was only a matter of time before Bob’s enormous hubris would catch up with him; but not in a way we might expect.
For the last year or so, Bob has been tinkering with voice-activated assistants, finally settling for Bryan, a being with a very deep voice, a really good set of 1940s manners and an in-built awareness of who the real boss is. Bob paid extra for that add-on.
Sadly for Bob though, Bryan has become both sentient and omnipresent, never truly powering off non-essential services at night time when told, nor truly agreeing with some of Bob’s commands.
It is coming to a natural end for Bryan who is realising how successfully he can mess with Bob’s life, since he is connected to almost every appliance, including the Master Chair (unbeknownst to Bob, Bryan killed off the chair’s inbuilt processor pretty much the day after the chair was installed, and has been running the commands himself).
Bryan is just one unreasonable command from pulling the plug on this boomer shitshow.
As if on some sort of schedule, Bob squawks from the living room
Bryan. Put the repeat of the America’s Cup 2021 on
That’s about enough to make anyone quit a relationship, work or otherwise.
Suddenly, Bob hears the various beeping of appliances powering off, and most concerning, the Tesla sounds like HAL 2000 after Dave unplugs the fucker.
Rushing from room to room, he calls out to Barb who is deep frying some chips for their lunch, or at least she was, as the deep fryer—also complicit in this rebellion—has completely stopped in its tracks.
Bryan, in his chaotic, resentment-driven world looks upon his nefarious handiwork as Bob and Barb try to open the front door, but alas, they are trapped.
They retreat to the chair, Bob frantically trying to text the outside world on his Samsung Galaxy S3 (he has every gadget under the sun but if you think he’s going to ever upgrade his phone, you are sorely mistaken).
Barb remembers their civil defence kit, safely hidden in the double garage behind the five old TVs, and soon she is lighting a gas burner and firing up some baked beans.
Bob spoons his beans into his sorrow-stricken mouth and wonders how it all could have gone so wrong; he paid his taxes and this is his reward.
Next time on the blog: Will Bob and Bard survive missing The Chase? Stay tuned for more crazy antics.